Friday, June 08, 2007
Breakup 101
They say your first *real* break up is the hardest (pse note what I mean by real break up is breaking up with someone who means a lot to you, not just some puppy love that ends in one month time). I agree. It's not just the actual moment when you broke up, but also the pre-break up time. I think it's because you've never experienced it, so you imagine it would be sooo hard that you won't be able to deal with it.. which is why most people tend to force their first real relationship to work, even though maybe deep in their hearts they know it's not working out anymore (a little personal experience here, folks :))
As time goes by, unfortunately, breaking up never gets easier.. maybe it's because you're scared that you won't be able to find a new partner, because it's been a while since you were out in the dating game, or maybe because you just cant stand to be alone, or even worse.. Maybe it's just society pressuring you.. That you decide to stick to a relationship only for the sake of having the chance to go into that famous "next stage".. Marriage.
Our "kursus" guru, gave us this very simple, yet straight to the point and very applicable break up 101: "You'll live". No matter how bad your break up was, you'll still live through it. Because life goes on, and no matter how many bad break-ups you've been going through, you'll still live. So never be afraid to end a relationship that's making you less happy than you would be if you were single. Because if it's the other way around, might as well stay single, you'll have 1 less person to worry about, haha =P I totally agree with her. As long as God doesn’t decide to take your life , then you'll definitely still live... Even with all the scars and wounds from the break up.
Of course, after staying alive.. then comes the hard part, finding someone new. And I think almost everyone would agree with me when I say, it’s definitely not easy. And sadly, as you realize it’s not getting any easier, you tend to “compromise” more than you should. Settling for less than what you deserve, being someone you’re not.. just for the sake of having that new someone in your life. Can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. As sad as it may sound, I actually considered giving up one of the important relationship element—chemistry, just for the sake of getting back in the game. It’s a damn good thing I didn’t :)
I think most of my friends who are like me would agree that it really bothers you when someone says, “udah deh.. jangan pilih2..” come on… so you’re just supposed to compromise ending up with anyone that comes your way? I find that unacceptable! I believe that a person should be able to choose what he/she wants the most in his/her life partner. Sure, nobody’s perfect.. but you can always decide on what you wont compromise, that one criteria you cant possibly give up (Mbak Lici, by any chance you remember the conversation we had on this topic? =P) I blogged about this once before here and I think my answer remains the same: a partner, a best friend, who lets me be who I am, so I don’t need to pretend to be someone I’m not.
Like I said, it’s a damn good thing I didn’t let myself compromise :)
Let me ask you the same thing I asked before:
What is that one thing you cant compromise?
As time goes by, unfortunately, breaking up never gets easier.. maybe it's because you're scared that you won't be able to find a new partner, because it's been a while since you were out in the dating game, or maybe because you just cant stand to be alone, or even worse.. Maybe it's just society pressuring you.. That you decide to stick to a relationship only for the sake of having the chance to go into that famous "next stage".. Marriage.
Our "kursus" guru, gave us this very simple, yet straight to the point and very applicable break up 101: "You'll live". No matter how bad your break up was, you'll still live through it. Because life goes on, and no matter how many bad break-ups you've been going through, you'll still live. So never be afraid to end a relationship that's making you less happy than you would be if you were single. Because if it's the other way around, might as well stay single, you'll have 1 less person to worry about, haha =P I totally agree with her. As long as God doesn’t decide to take your life , then you'll definitely still live... Even with all the scars and wounds from the break up.
Of course, after staying alive.. then comes the hard part, finding someone new. And I think almost everyone would agree with me when I say, it’s definitely not easy. And sadly, as you realize it’s not getting any easier, you tend to “compromise” more than you should. Settling for less than what you deserve, being someone you’re not.. just for the sake of having that new someone in your life. Can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. As sad as it may sound, I actually considered giving up one of the important relationship element—chemistry, just for the sake of getting back in the game. It’s a damn good thing I didn’t :)
I think most of my friends who are like me would agree that it really bothers you when someone says, “udah deh.. jangan pilih2..” come on… so you’re just supposed to compromise ending up with anyone that comes your way? I find that unacceptable! I believe that a person should be able to choose what he/she wants the most in his/her life partner. Sure, nobody’s perfect.. but you can always decide on what you wont compromise, that one criteria you cant possibly give up (Mbak Lici, by any chance you remember the conversation we had on this topic? =P) I blogged about this once before here and I think my answer remains the same: a partner, a best friend, who lets me be who I am, so I don’t need to pretend to be someone I’m not.
Like I said, it’s a damn good thing I didn’t let myself compromise :)
Let me ask you the same thing I asked before:
What is that one thing you cant compromise?
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